A Vision To Which I Shall Give My All..

So lead me back

Turn south from that place

And close my eyes from my recent disgrace

'Cause you know my call

We'll share my all

Now children come and they will hear me roar

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright

Mumford and Sons, Ghosts That We Knew 

I have so very much to be grateful for.  So very much.  My heart brims with love and hope and faith and passion; I have a place in my centre of being that is as still as its ever been throughout my life, though I may rattle around a bit here and there with some forceful opinion or sloppy attempt at reasoning or direction - and step on toes or clip heart's wings with anger and sadness or jealousies... I am human. 

We are in the throes of what is being called a global pandemic, and my research and exposure to the gory details and handwashing techniques or recommended mask usage and such is fairly weak.  I am choosing not to look to deeply into the abyss of sadness and fear and hopelessness, but that is because I am here - safe, relatively isolated and locked in the loving embrace of the fringes where the boreal forest meets the lonesome prairie.  And I am here mostly alone, save for a few brave souls who, like me, chose to participate in a program that has ignited our spirits and helped us to find light and hope where before there may have been despondency and decay, shame and shenanigans. 

And though I have allowed the light of spirit to walk with me, and have the blessed privilege of being able to allow her rightful place at my centre, through all the happy and lonesome moments of my rural isolation, there are those who are not so lucky.

I think of my beautiful buddha of a cousin who is charged with the task of tending house with my kokom, who turns 94 tomorrow...  or my ex partner who cares for my beautiful twins and their brother as well as her mother (with lupus) and brother (non verbal Down's syndrome) or my dearest friend who sits atop a meticulously disinfected mountaintop with her stunning octagenarian mother 💘 They are not as lucky as I in these moments...  

Their beloved charges are, if we are to believe what we've been told by our most trusted sources: government, media, schools, institutions, universities, United Nations, World Health Organization, etc., the most susceptible to the devastating and unnatural flu symptoms that have ended the lives of ?? many people worldwide, and likely expected to grow in the coming weeks. 

They are alone in these moments of doubt and fear, when the news shows (so I've heard) stacks of bodies and shortages of vehicles to move them in countries around the world; or stark and official looking emails hit inboxes with dull thuds extolling the drama of called States of Emergency, all in the attempt to curtail the savagery of a Wuhan, China-borne virus - Corona - which is latin for Crown, incidentally.  One of which sits atop the Queen's of England's head, and who, again incidentally, is the same age as my kokom.

( Who looks better by the way? )

I am powerless to help in the "snorting old man buffalo" (my Cree spirit name) fashion to which I have grown accustomed, and to which many of you who know me, have come to expect:  Me, charging into a situation, both guns blasting - one barrel loaded with self righteous indignation, usually backed with some version of confident knowledge, and the other one with elbow grease and tactless hardline rationalist humanism.

This superheroism that sometimes hits the mark with relieved accuracy, would in these cases, set of a series of alarms and klaxons and send my most deeply loved people scattering from my bombastic faith infused indignation and cause ripples of hurt and anger for a very long time.

And quite possibly, I could infect a pristine household containing vulnerable and cherished loved ones with this genetic aberration of a virus and could very well bring a beautiful life, or more, to a bitter and undeserved early end. 

Powerless... I am powerless, save for the realization that by leaving them alone, in their wise and loving and conscientious manners, to continue to scrub and cook and love and clean and sing and colour and clean some more, that they might just help bridge the gaps needed to carry our families through this blight to the emerging reality that lays in wait for us just ahead.

The power that I do now feel, however, is one that I wish to share with you at this time.  

This is the power of my faith that we are on a trajectory to a realized greatness that has never before been felt by humankind.  Maybe here and there throughout history when some fantastic but humble soul felt the truth of our absolute connectedness to all the energies of the universe - and made some great discovery or spiritual ascension and maybe changed the world in a small or great manner in that precious moment.

But here, in this space, this sacred container, I have been helped in finding out that the key to unlocking this ravishing mysterious alchemy lay solely in the power of our immense love.

Love. Pure unadulterated heartfelt and unconditional love of all things.  This uniting force is the light that we've all felt at one point or another, and is so sadly fleeting with all the distraction that this world serves to us daily, in every minute of every day of our lives. 

For the first time in my life, I actually feel whole.  Spirit, Mind, Emotion, Body - united as one; woven as a braid of sweetgrass; an invitation for all the energies of the universe to work through me and connect whatever soft little broken ends I might find, with the gifts I've been given to steward. 

For whatever reason, Earth and her caretakers, decided that "Sheldon is going to clean up and connect his 4-parts in a unity that he's never before experienced... Hell, maybe now's the time to launch a global pandemic, seeing how he's all Zen and shit for once." 

What. The. Actual. Fuck. 

Are you kidding me?  Well, no use wringing my hands and feeling sorry for myself, I happen to be imbued with a power I never even knew I held, and have secured a swath of freedom from drugs that I have never known heretofore.  And a deep connection to hope, faith and courage that no 12-step meeting ever stuck in my grimy lil pocket to take home with me. 

Energetics.  The awareness of my thoughts and feelings and beliefs and their impacts on the people in my life and the circles of love that exist around me.

I have levelled up, and it's about goldarn time.  I turned 49 in this place.  And I am building my strength and resolve to be able to respond to whatever might come after these strange days of isolation and empty toilet paper rolls.  My friend says "go ahead and save the world.  I have to save my mom." 

Damn.  That's beautiful.  And I wish I wasn't outside of that disinfected circle and could wrap my arms around you Missy...  cuz That. Is. Love.  Pure and simple.  

But you see?  That is what happens when humans are pushed to their n'th degrees: We rise above petty. We grow like the grinch's heart.  BUT.. only when our attentions are focused on the wellbeing and safety of our loved ones.  Selfishness doesn't have any magic to it.  It is a heavy energy, draining and sucking the life out of your very bones.  

SELFLESSNESS.. aye!  That is the key.  

Though the New World Order Gang and their Bilderberg henchmen likely have something to do with this damn Covid bullshit, it matters naught.  We are here. We are in it. And we are able to meet the challenges with grace and beauty and attention to what matters here on this beautiful planet of ours.

Find your core.  Your strength. Your spirit.  Pray to your moms, dads, grammas, uncles, heroes - to Shiva, or Allah or Creator or Jah.. to all your ancestors. Recite the prayers you all have in your hearts.  Listen closely to that perfect child's heart that lives inside you still.  Feel it's beauty, its unnerved and immovable grace that connects to Mother Earth. 

Close your damn Facebook for a second; turn off the Netflix and just chill in the silent awareness THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE. That no news reel or sound bite can dim the light that connects you to Source.  

You have not lost your way.  In the bottom of the dark space that your fear lays, is a softly burning ember of faith that will never leave you my dearest friend.  But you cannot reason it back to its precious brightness. 

You must surrender to your fear, and say, "temageenonan".. (i am just a pitiful human, and I can't carry this alone) ..  When you hold onto the shoreline and the river rages around you, your head slips below the surface, and the harder you fight, the deeper you sink.  

You must let go and surrender to the knowledge that we are stardust, we are golden, we are meant to be here, dancing on this earth in this way.  In all our stunned stunts and desperate manoevering, we are beautiful children of light, and we don't have all the answers. But the rivers of Life and Time all flow in beautiful harmony with love.  

And no matter what happens from here, we each one of us have the power to choose love, to choose grace, to choose wisdom, and to give of ourselves in beautiful ways - so much so that the scales might be tipped back in the direction of humanity's precious hours still left to live.  

Don't be the toilet paper stashing chicken shit that ignores the cries for help.

Be smart.  Wash your hands if you must.  Spray your disinfectants and build your fortresses of Lysol wipes.  Keep your distance.  Regulate and respect others' wishes in these trying times. 

But for God's sake, for all our sakes:  Be as loving as you can, because none of us know what's in store in the days ahead.  Pay attention to what's important to your heart.  Pray and be still; listen to your inner wisdom.  

We'll get through this.  

I can feel it. 

I love you all,
S.