I was sitting in a railway station, got a ticket for my destination... Mm-mhm... Man I love Paul Simon. This guy inspired me to play, to sing. What a talent. What a beautiful soul. Onstage with Willie Nelson. Nice.
I have to go to Hinton, Alberta tonight. Two days of meetings with the Canadian Boreal Forest Agreement Regional Steering Group. Cool. My home. My place of birth. Homeward bound. (Gotta show Art too! Can't have Simon without Garfunkel)
Other things have come up as well; beautiful things. Opportunities and rewards. Terry says to me, "life just keeps putting these amazing things in front of you."
I know. <sigh> I know. Like I expect the world to reward me just for being me. Special treatment all my life. Mr. Manipulator; sell a screen door to a submarine captain - just for the hell of it.
My friend, the loudest most arrogant asshole of a recovery pro (and the sweetest, most generous man I know) says that he suffers from "terminal uniqueness." I can relate. The sense of being so unique, so special, so separate from the world - ALWAYS get my way... ALWAYS find a way... ALWAYS.... Turn on the charm and by the time I'm done, not only have you done my bidding, but you figured it was your idea.
Sick. Ever sick.
Pages 60-63 of the Big Book of AA. I have read it over and over again. Mostly because I have been directed to read it over and over again from folks that know. I know it by heart practically. And still I play God from time to time.
"The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with someone or somebody, even though our motives are good."
This is the trick. "Even though our motives are good." Selfish is still selfish. I remember wanting to stop the whole world just to listen to me tell them how ridiculous it was that they were at war, or stockpiling nukes or starving three quarters of the world's population so the rest of us could enjoy bologna and kraft dinner. For their own good, I wanted to impart my wisdom. My way is the right way.
Wrong.
My way is my way. Their ways are their ways. My job is to keep my side of the street clean, not sweep up theirs.
We find a way to lead by example. Show the way.
"I am the light of the world, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life." John 8:12
Jesus rocks.
So I'm going on the road tonight. My cousin and I. Mountain bikes and fishing rods and notepads and laptop. Mostly work but a little play. My hometown. Hell, it's even his hometown. My first kiss, first love, first pube, first drink, first toke, first .. well, you know. *blush* A lot of firsts.
I love this place. The rivers, the lakes, the mountains, even the smell (pulp mill). I am pulling my trailer and parking at a beautiful ranch nestled in the foothills. Maybe even squeeze in a horsey ride.
Day seven and all is well. Bills paid, work copacetic, wife happy, kids healthy. Body, mind and soul feeling not bad at all.
Just got to get a little wiring fixed on my truck. And I'm on my way to do that.
Love to you all.
S.
xox
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