The world is round. So said my Hutterite friend last summer*. So said I to my Polish friend last week. Good things happen; bad things happen. Things happen. Things happen to us. We make things happen. When we struggle, things become difficult. Generally, when we run with the rhythm of life, in the current of positive thought and deed, good happenings occur easily.
I'm trapped somewhere between the world of sinner and saint, closer to sinner by far, and in this lonesome stretch of highway, there seems to be a lull in the proceedings. At least in the things that I "want" to fall into my world. Like about $10 grand to dig my way out of the stressful hole that I slowly but methodically dug these past few months/years...
I'm online today, seeking out career changes, educational opportunities, even work opportunities... Stressing over fines and bills and "stuff" and bullshit. Worried about the future, when really.. Really, the only work I have before me today is to not pick up dope.
And to not worry about setting my net for jobs and income when I still have fish to clean from my last catch.
Everything will come when it is supposed to. Just keep my side of the street clean.
My heart beats harder at this realization. The tears well up. They call this "surrender"...A ti me rindo. "To you I rend."
Letting go of the panicky hustle I have conditioned myself to do and just doing what's in front of me.
(sigh)...
Ok.. For now this will have to do.
Right now I have hungry kids in front of me!
xox.
S.
*Piscescree Blogspot - "It's Always Something," April 2013
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