So much to say, so little time...

Wow. 

I was going to blog a couple days ago about something neat I read about ADD and similar psychological-slash-physiological afflictions.  It was about how when something emotionally trying or threatening comes a-calling on the sensory horizon of those with ADD, the reticular formation, a particularly important part of our brainstem, is over-inhibited by the pre-frontal cortex.  This over-inhibition causes one to become tired, drowsy; yawning and needing a good solid nap.  This, it would seem, is a means by which our brain can protect us from those things that threaten; in this case, not a lion or tiger but emotion.

I always wondered why when I sang and played guitar, I would often end up yawning halfway through a song, becoming increasingly drowsy as I continued.  Of course, my playlist consists of the hurtin'est songs you could imagine. Like this, or this, or even this so I guess it's pretty easy to see why my play would trigger uncomfortable emotions.  

So this revelation had me pretty excited to write.  But life drew me into other areas of focus these last couple days.  Which is good, but then it gave me a whole new pile of revelations and discoveries that warranted more writing. 

A new endeavour which promises sweeping life changes - for the good - seems to be taking off.  I embarked on a small spiritual journey to solidify this project in my heart and being and more little epiphanies lay therein which, again, begged for more writing.

But the living of this script doesn't seem to lend itself to writing about it.  

Time has become precious.  

Apropos because I've wasted so much of it in recent years.

So to sit and reflect and wax poetic just hasn't been my focus of late.  I wanted to really set down on this current chapter of my life, and write.  To walk through the phases and changes that I experience as I truly walk closer and closer to a healthy lifestyle.  But as the days progress and time passes without me clouding things up with dope, the writing becomes less important and the living of life becomes more the focus.

I have crossed through several archways lately that I have historically shrunk from, hidden from and left uncrossed in the past.  These successes feel good.  

But life is not about these successes.  Because still I struggle.  It's not as though I have made the spiritual choice, the responsible choice the RIGHT choice and then sunned myself in the glory of the moment.

Instead, life has her own plans, and welcomes me to the other side, across the chasm of uncertainty, self-doubt and fear, and then drapes me in more fear, more uncertainty and doubt.  

But inside this cloud of doubt and fear lives this little glowing kernel of respect - self respect, that grows stronger with each responsible choice.

I kind of like it.

I could get used to this.

More to come.
xox.
S.